For Those Of Us Who Hate “The Pujas”

Its October.You know what that means,oh yes,yes the holidays,the festive spirits on a high,the food,the friends and relatives,the music,the brand new clothes,the staying up late at nights,the long “ADDA”sessions in short its time again for all hell to break loose in the name of “THE PUJAS”.I have been here in kolkata for nine years but still ain’t able to figure out why the hell the whole city goes nuts these six or seven days.

Take the traffic situation for example-the pujas give a whole new meaning to the word “JAM”.I mean  what is so brilliant about getting on a bus which is so full of people that you don’t have any idea which part of your body is where?and then waiting an hour,two hours or even three before realising the fact that taking the bus in the first place was a bad idea and you need to start walking if you want to have any chance of reaching ur destination in time.Forget those who take out their private vehicles ,for these are the times when you actually feel like returning your drivers licence and seriously contemplate running over people.Not that walking is any more fun when you have to take endless “detours” to reach a place which usually takes 5 minutes and on puja days takes 50.And its not that you are walking away freely to glory,its more of a wave of people determining which direction you are off too which sometimes results in you ending up in places you had no intentions of reaching.

Then there is the food-  aah!the great roadside kolkata food stalls ,who become the epitome of treachery these few days.Your neighbourhood “roll wala” whose rs 15 chicken roll has become a part of your nutritional requirements suddenly charges you rs 22 for the same  roll,and the size of the chicken pieces make you wanna complain to PETA that they have been starving the chicken. Not that the restaurants provide you with a healthy alternative where getting in is more difficult than getting Rakhi Sawant to shut up.And all this for what?to visit the famous “THEME PUJOS” where the themes get  more ridiculous with every passing year,and so many prizes are given out these days that even the most pathetic ones have a trophy to show off. Pandals constructed with sweets(what?),idols made with chocolates(They wasted choc…..I mean c’mon).And each time you visit your PARA PUJO you are reminded of all those days when you pretended to be not related to the owner of the house every time the CHANDA TOLO GANG would come around and that you had no idea where the owner might be.

Its also the time for a new breed of idiots to rise whom I’ve decided to christen as the “HONKERS”.These are not the usual motorists who honk for no reason whatsoever(they get my sympathy vote this time) these are a new bunch of fools who buy those tiny trumpet like things available almost everywhere during this time and honk away to glory as if to redefine noise pollution,and these buffons do not even spare the animals sleeping along the roads.

Not that it stops here,during this time you dont have any peace even at your own  house,you can’t even switch on the television coz suddenly there are a hundred local channels all beaming “PUJO PORIKROMA LIVE”and all those mass “RAAS GARBA”events where you find  the new “STARS” who in all truth cant find any more work and find this an easy way to earn money.You find only a handful doing the real traditional thing but mostly you find jokers  dressed in the most weird outfits doing the most ridiculous jigs you will ever see(yup!thats the entertaining part),and you will have the local DJ and the music contest winner harping out  renditions of ROCK!ON that is so bad you would stop listening to the originals.Its also a time for all software professionals to feel even more pathetic about there lives coz when everyone is partying,they are sitting beside their computers cursing their bosses.

Inspite of all this I will be quite a hypocrite if I do not confess that there are quite a lot of things that I really like about the “PUJO”.For once you actually witness the KOLKATA POLICE  doing some work and all those volunteers at every section who direct you in case you are lost,are actually quite helpful.Inspite of the crowd and the noise there is nothing like catching up with friends at a pandal(if you are able to find them i.e)after all if nothing these days are a welcome excuse to stay out the whole night.These are also the days when you get to brush up your mythology as almost every channel including ur MTVs and your Channel [V]s help you distinguish your Diwali’s from your Dusshera’s.Even though the majority might seem a pure waste of money there are many THEME PUJOS which genuinely make an effort to encourage artists,specially rural and some of them actually come up with good ideas which are actually worth an audience.Its a time of the year when your parents actually have time to go out with you, and these few days are a welcome relief for all mothers from kitchen duties -at least partially if not completely.Walking might not be the most preferred, but it is indeed the best option,the calorie concious get their share of excercise and for foodies like me it is a licence to eat anything and everything available-from “matka kulfi” to juice, in order to kill time.And of course who doesn’t like dressing up(or down) during  pujas , I mean you find all kinds- from the “supersexy” to “what was he thinking”.I have always preferred comfort over flashiness but the pujas is a time when a little bit of self-indulgence is always welcome.After all its not everyday you get noticed by so many girls at one place.🙂

And so,For all those of you who are not here witnessing all this mayhem,my question to you is- YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE MISSING,RIGHT??